Summerstock

“Mrorah. Rheggrah REH rehgarahm… FRAbrmerah sdfwruaWHURG!” The director was shaking so hard his jaw just about fell off. As one, the cast turned towards the assistant director.

“You all suck. Again from the top, and it’s ONE two three, not one TWO three. Now.” The assistant deadpanned. He never showed any emotion. Most of us wondered if was a robot, or maybe an alien. He only claimed he was a medium and could speak to the dead, which is how he got the job in the first place. Our director mumbled something and slumped back into his chair.

The nymphs all giggled nervously as they got into line. They were frightened by the director, but they needn’t be. He only ate brains and they clearly didn’t have any. Besides, the director didn’t eat anybody that he worked with – it was too hard to replace them.

Marta, the stage manager, passed a note to me. Can u go 2 prop shop? Need swords for nxt scene. I looked up and saw Marta staring at me. I sighed, and nodded. I didn’t particularly like going to the prop shop – it was in the basement and run by the goblins.

I made my way down to the basement. It actually wasn’t the lowest floor, but it was the last place the elevator went to. The floor below that was only accessible by trap door, and you had to be special to go down there. The first basement was surprisingly well lit – but then again goblins were very careful with their work. I got to the door of the prop shop and was stopped by one of them. He came up to about my belly button. I still wouldn’t want to take him on in a fight. He had sharp teeth. And his smell was quite enough to keep me far away. It was as if a fish mated with a skunk and produced an egg – and all three had been dead for weeks.

“What do you want?” He growled. The goblins didn’t like me. They didn’t really like anybody who they gave their handiwork to. They were always afraid of it getting used. I honestly don’t know why they decided to work in theatre.

“We’re doing the sword fight next. We need them now.”

“Real or practice?”

“Practice is fine, as long as the weight and size are the same.”

“You know we haven’t started on them yet.”

“I’m know – that’s why I’m asking for practice.” The goblin grumbled back into the shop and I sat down to wait. I heard a loud bark, some groans from the other goblins, and then a whole lot of banging. About two minutes later the goblin came back carrying two swords.

“Here. Best I could do on such short notice. Don’t bang them up.” Clearly the goblin didn’t know actors. The swords were gorgeous. Shiny metal, dulled edges (thank god), and beautifully made handles. Oh they lacked the ornamentation that the real swords were going to have, but I didn’t have the ten minutes it would take them to do it. Grumpy little buggers, but they did nice work.

Marta put a finger to her lips as I cracked open the door to the rehearsal studio. The nymphs were all crouched in a corner, our leading man had turned into a wolf and was trying to attack the leading lady’s snakes, and the assistant director was helping the director sew his jaw back on. It was going to be a long rehearsal.