The Little Zombie

All right - it's New Year's - which mean my resolution to write everyday starts now. But since it is New Year's Day, and I've had a very lazy morning with a hangover, this first one is going to be silly and short.

THE LITTLE ZOMBIE

There once was a little zombie. He lived with his zombie mommy and zombie daddy. They loved him a lot and were always looking out for him. The little zombie was very good – he always mumbled very politely and held doors open for little old lady zombies to shamble through, because his parents taught him well. He was also usually very happy; his mommy and daddy gave him the largest share of brains, and he had a lot of zombie friends that he could play brainball and “Stagger and Argugh” (two very popular zombie games) with. He collected skulls and polished them until they shined. He even had a zombie dog, one that would play fetch with its own leg.

There was one thing that made the little zombie sad, and that was the fact that he couldn’t have ice cream. Zombies can’t eat anything other than brains. And while the little zombie loved to eat brains, he missed the days when he could eat ice cream. He tried once but he puked his guts out and his parents had to help put them back in.

So the little zombie had to be happy with his friends and his dog and his parents and his brains. And he was, but every once in a while you could see him standing in the freezer section of a recently invaded grocery store staring at the rows and rows of ice cream. He would give a little moan and then go shamble off to find his zombie friends.

It made his parents sad to see their little zombie so unhappy. Unfortunately, zombies aren’t very smart, so they couldn’t figure out what to do. Until one day, they were part of an invasion on a college campus and ate a logic professor. With the smart man’s brains in them, they hatched a plan to make the little zombie very happy.

It was the little zombie’s death day, and he had a party where all of his friends were invited. They spent hours playing brainball and “Stagger and Argurgh” and then went inside to open presents. Most weren’t wrapped very well, but they were all very nice gifts for a little zombie. He got a new set of rags to wear, a very shiny skull for his collection, and a sewing kit for when his limbs fall off. Then his parents called them in for brains.

Only it didn’t look like brains. It looked like ice cream. The little zombie looked at his parents and they were smiling (or at least trying to – his daddy was missing half of his jaw). He sat down with a spoon, and dug in. It was cold – just like ice cream, and it was sweet – just like ice cream. The little zombie couldn’t believe it! He ate the whole bowl and was the happiest little zombie in the world. And after he finished, he didn’t have to puke his guts outs! He hugged his parents and asked how they did it.

“Well” said his mommy “It’s brains. We found a sweet little child who had just eaten a lot of candy, so they were extra sweet. Instead of eating the brains immediately – we took them out and mashed them until it looked like ice cream. Then we put it in the freezer until it was cold. We knew how much you missed ice cream, and we thought this was the closest thing we could get. I hope you liked it.”

The little zombie did like it. He thought it was the best thing he’d ever eaten, even better than the real ice cream he remembered. He hugged his parents again and told them that it was the best death day ever. Then the little zombie, and his parents and friends, and even the zombie dog went out and invaded a mall as the perfect way to end the day.