A conversation

This is a somewhat representative conversation over headset, variations of this happen daily.

A Cast of Characters
Katie: Stage Manager
Penny: Assistant Stage Manager
Jeff: Light Board Op
Tracey: Spotlight Op #1
Travis: Spotlight Op #2
Frank: Lead Flyman
Dave: Crew Guy
Jess: Crew Girl
Plus various interlopers.
Conversations on Headset
Katie: Places please. Places for the top of the show. By the way, what’s Ingrid’s character’s name in Casablanca?
Jess: Ilsa.
Katie: That fits. Everyone on headset.
Everyone (variously): Spot’s on. I’m here. I’m on. What? Flyman’s on. Check!
Katie: Great.
Frank: Just so you know Katie, there’s a problem with the scrim; it’s pushed forward a bit. We should be able to get out, but it will be slow.
Katie: Fabulous. How are we doing on places?
Penny: Almost there. Just waiting on Anna.
Tracy: Aren’t we always?
Conductor: We’re ready in the pit.
Sound Op: House manager says the house is ours.
Katie: Great, Penny? We’re waiting on you.
Penny: I have places.
Katie: Alright – standby everybody.
Sound Op; Going off
Conductor: Going off
Katie: Lights ten, go. Spots one and two go. Okay, so does anybody know the name of a nun movie with Goldberg?
Dave: Sister Act. Beepbrpbepbeepbeerrrrrrp….
Jess: Goddammit, who’s phone’s on?
Jeff: Oops, sorry that’s mine.
Katie: Standby lights fifteen. Lights fifteen, go.
Travis: Well, Anna sounds good so far. Knock on wood.
Dave: I’ll show you wood….
Travis, Dave and Jeff: Bend over.
Tracy: Jesus.
Jess: I know, I hate being on headset.
Frank: You love it.
Katie: Standby lights 25 and 30, spots one and two. Lights twenty-five, spots one and two, go. Lights thirty, go.
Frank: Ooh, we’ve got a good audience!
Katie: What are the names of the Seven dwarves? Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Doc…
Jess: Happy,
Tracy: Sleepy
Dave: Bashful.
Katie: Ahh. Bashful! That’s it.
Jeff: Wait, that just seems like bad parenting, leaving a kid alone like that…
Penny: Are you watching the show? You aren’t supposed to do that.
Dave: Besides, it’s Friday.
Jess: Logic-Free Friday!
Jeff: God. How many of these things have we done?
Katie: Standby lights 67 through 89, spots one and two. Lights 67 and spot two, go. Light 69 and spot one go. You know, I can see better right now – is there a light on that’s not supposed to be?
Jeff: I don’t think so.
Tracy: There’s a dark spot up left. Did something slip?
Jeff; Possibly. I’ll check during intermission.
Katie: Lights 73, go.
Dave: Did anyone hear about the football game?
Frank: What football game?
Jess: What’s football?
Travis: Who played?
Dave: So I take it the answers a no.
Katie: Lights 78, go. Actually, the Cubs won, 17-10. Lights 81, go.
Jeff: Sweet.
Katie: Lights 85, go.
Penny: Just so you all know, Chelsea is “it” today.
Tracy; Fantastic, I’ll have to watch for it.
Katie: Lights 89 and spots out, go.
Travis: What show are we on?
Penny: 72.
Travis: And how many do we have left?
Penny: 34.
Frank: Eww….
Tracy: What the hell did Graham just say?
Frank: Sounded like Mrfreble gosh darn thatrebdila.
Tracy: That’s what I thought.
Katie: Standby lights 97. Lights 97, go. Jess, why isn’t the boat coming on?
Jess: Shit, totally spaced, sorry.
Dave: Goddammit Jess.
Penny: Oh please Dave, like you can talk.
Katie: Standby Lights 104 and spot two. Lights and spot, go.
Jeff: So has anybody seen Archer?
Dave: Yup
Frank: I love that show!
Tracy: Ohmigod, best show EVER! ‘The Mole’ is my favorite.
Travis: Never seen it.
Penny: Nope
Katie: Tom Jone’s song, 1971
Jess: What’s Up Pussycat?
Travis: She’s A Lady?
Katie: She’s a Lady.
Frank: You haven’t seen Archer? You have too, it’s awesome.
Jeff: I just got the DVD’s from Netflix.
Katie: Where’s Bob? Oh wait, there he is. Penny, why was he late?
Penny: He was here – Anna was distracting him.
Katie: Great. Standby lights 120 and spot two out. Lights 120 and spot two out, go.
Dave: I think we should do Standby-free Sundays.
Frank: I think we all know the show well enough by now.
Katie: Alright fine. Anybody up for madlibs?
Tracy: If we do madlibs I quit.
Penny: I wonder what would happen if we all quit?
Dave: I like that idea, let’s do it.
Katie: You would. Noun?
Jess: Waterhose.

Dave: I'll show you waterhose.

All: Bend over.

Random Actor: Grody.

Katie: Who let an actor on headset? Who was that?

Penny: Sorry, George heard we were playing madlibs. Won’t happen again.

Dave: Goddammit Penny.